I want it all

This time last year I would've laughed in your face if you said I'd be attempting to find an agent to represent my novel, let alone the fact that I wrote one! So as you can see it's been less than a year since I started writing. Wow. And here I am waiting to hear back on two agents (oh yeah did I mention I sent the revised partial back to dream agent?)

In the last ten months I've had plenty of time to think about my motives, my goals and my dreams involving my writing. And you know what? I want to go big or I don't want to go at all. As silly as that sounds to some people, I have to be honest with myself (and all of you apparently!). I want to be a career writer. Ohh, feels good to just say that. If you're laughing at my extremely and somewhat delusional hopes, stop it. Shame on you. Just kidding - laugh away. I know it's a lofty goal but I happen to be one of those people that believe anything, and I mean anything, is attainable if you want it bad enough. And boy do I want this.

I figure I can't be afraid to proclaim my intentions to the world. If I can't make a silly blog post about how I want to sit and write books as my profession for the rest of my life, than I better think again. There's nothing wrong with wanting that. Sure, I greatly admire people who just want to write without caring if a single person sees it or people who just want to have their story published even if it doesn't become a top seller.

It's just not me.

I'm not wired that way in any aspect of my life. I like to take it all the way. I always strove to gain the highest positions in my jobs, for getting perfect grades in college. I can be downright stubborn when it comes to getting what I want. Which can be both a good and bad thing. But at least I've grown up enough and learned enough to follow my heart and change my goals when my life changes. I can walk away and feel satisfied now but only if I want to. That's the key. I have to want it. Right now I don't want to walk away but I also know someday I might. Nothing is certain in life and pursuing the dream of becoming a best selling author is no exception.

Some people may want to slap me for this comment, but I have to come to the realization that if I can't snag an agent that has the connections and experience to get my book in the right publishers hands, I don't want one. Seriously. It's all or nothing for me at this point. See, my life is in a very crucial point. I'm going to have to go back to a 9-5 and write whenever I have time, which will be very little, or keep living the magical blissful life I have now, where I work a few hours a week and get to spend all my extra time writing and all that good stuff. As you can see I don't want to give up the life I've come to cherish. The one where I get to call the shots, spending my days with my son (until he starts school of course) and having tons of time to pursue my dream of writing.

I'm not looking to be a millionaire (I wouldn't say no to that) or to be famous. I just want to succeed and have my story land in the hands of as many teens, and adults who appreciate YA, as I can. I believe the stories that I've read that have managed to keep me up at night and haunt me (in a good way) are a gift. Sounds sorta cheesy but I want to return that gift.

It won't be easy and it won't always be fun, but this is without a doubt what I'm meant to do. It may take months, years or decades to get there but I'll get there. Now if I can only get the rest of the world to agree. But for now I'll settle for an agent...

So what are your goals in regards to your writing success? Would you be happy with just having your book published even if it never went far?