Wednesday, February 3, 2010

I want it! I want it. I want it?

I was like most kids growing up. I wished for things. Wanted them so badly I'd squeeze my eyes shut, twine my little hands together, and pray my ass off for whatever it was I wanted at that moment. Sometimes it was a kitten, to have a sleepover, a second cupcake. You get the idea. Little things that seemed like really big things to me then.

Then I became a teenager. *insert ominous music*

My wants got a lot bigger and way more specific. I didn't want just any boyfriend. I wanted the exact boy I'd met at the mall to be my boyfriend. I didn't want just any ol' car. I wanted the white Honda Prelude on the lot down the road. Yeah, as you can tell I was a real delight to deal with in those days. My poor poor parents. The good news for them, and me, and the rest of the world, is that I've relaxed on wanting specific things with such crazed desire. I still pursue my dreams like there's no tomorrow, but with a more mature open attitude. And thank God for that because if I was still so insanely detailed in my goals I'd have flushed my head down the toilet about ten times since I started writing.

I guess you could chalk it up the learning that whole sometimes-we-don't-know-what's-best-for-ourselves thing. Oddly enough this reminds me of that Garth Brooks song (yup, I was a bit of a country fan back in the day) where he says something about thanking God for not answering his prayers. Amen that to that. If some of my highly detailed prayer requests had been granted I cringe just imagining what would have happened as a result. Let's just say there's some poor judgement on my part when it came to the opposite sex a time or two. Throw in a job and a few major moves and I'd probably be... Not here! Not writing. Not loving the state of my life.

What writer hasn't wished with all of their heart that the book they just finished editing is "the one?" *raises hand* But whether it's due to life experience (becoming a parent, turning 30...) or some cosmic intervention, I've started to see the bigger picture. SAGE is out there in the world being read by agents which means there is a part of me, a VERY big part of me that wants to see this be "the book," but I've come to this sort of eerie peaceful place that has allowed me to be okay if it isn't. Because the next one will be. And if that one isn't...then the one after that will.

Do you set specific goals or aim wide? Are you determined to see that one book be "the one?" Were you a stubborn kid that learned their lesson that hard way like I did?

10 comments:

JennM said...

OH It is definitely best for me to refrain from commenting on this blog ;-)

Kristy Baxter said...

That's a spectacular attitude to have.

I was the same with wanting exactly what I wanted. Like a car just like my sister's (not a great car, but with great memories). Which I got after saving my pennies and overpaying by a lot.

Four months later, I had to replace the engine. Eight months after that, the thing wasn't even drivable.

I've been determined to see each book be "the one", but I slowly got better at realizing when it just wasn't drivable anymore. =)

Jody Sparks said...

Wanting is my worst enemy. Assuming I even get "the one" I know it won't stop there. I will not be satisfied. Sometimes the beast is sleepy and takes a nap. Mostly it's awake though. I'm trying to euthanize that sucker, but so far, no go. Good for you for finding peace.

Elana Johnson said...

Oh, I was determined for my first book to be "the one." I convinced myself I just needed to find the right agent. Uh, yeah, not so much. More like it sucked. And it wasn't until my third book that I finally found an agent. So I get it. More than I'd like to admit.

Susan R. Mills said...

I was that kid. I had to have exactly what I wanted. Not so much anymore. I don't ever want to be that way again.

Karen Amanda Hooper said...

Oh my gosh, I was a horrible, bossy, demanding, stubborn child. I don't know how my parents dealt with me.

Good luck with SAGE. Just like you, I'll keep writing until one of my stories gets published. And even if I never land an agent. I'll still keep writing. It's what we do. :)

Rebecca L Sutton said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rebecca L Sutton said...

You ladies rock! So good to know I wasn't the only stubborn and dangerously determined kid out there...

Thanks for the well wishes, support and sharing of your own personal stories. As long as we keep at it "the book" will come along. ; ) Especially with this group of super talented women.

And, yes, I did delete my own comment. lol Hit that publish button the same second I noticed a really obvious extra word.

ali said...

This is exactly where I am too! Realizing that even if Desolation isn't the book that gets picked up first, I can be okay with that. I'm in this for the long haul and know that I'll get THERE (published) one day.

Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone Rebecca!

beth said...

I agree--great attitude. It's very professional--and if you want to be a pro, then that's the exact way you need to be.