Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Voices in my head

I've surprised myself with my patience and optimism during this last bout of waiting to hear back on the fulls I have out. I'm typically a very positive person when it comes to believing things will work out as they are meant to - this is no exception. I know whatever happens will be the right thing. Still I have that whole angel on one shoulder, devil on the other thing going on once in awhile. I despise that negative little voice that tells me to stay grounded and to be practical, that there's no way things will happen for me this fast.

These moments of weakness always occur when I read or hear something about how a fabulous highly successful author had several years of close calls with agents before getting an actual offer, or trying to comprehend an article about some really technical aspect of grammar that I feel completely lost reading. Those are the times I hear the voice in my head telling me I have sooo much more to learn, that I have to pay my dues, that my writing isn't good enough. Yet.

Blah! What complete and utter nonsense that is!

See what I mean? Good voice vs. bad voice yet again. It's a mental battle that could easily suck me in and take me down, but I refuse to let it. It's like anything in life - you just have to believe. When we let our doubts and fears grow in strength we end up defeating ourselves before we even have the chance to win. So I refuse to allow that to happen. When those nasty thoughts creep in I give them a fair shot then send them on their way because I truly believe in myself and my dreams. Thankfully they don't strike too often!

It's a tough pill to swallow but if one of these opportunities don't work out, there will be others. I know that if I keep writing, learning and pursuing it I'll eventually get an agent. Someday that is, but only if I maintain this level of dedication. Oh but that's a whole new conversation when it comes to my personal demons on being forced back into a 9-5 job...

How do you fend off the ugly nasty thoughts that make you doubt yourself or your goals?


Lisa and Laura said...

Don't you wish they had a positivity pill that we could all take? Oh wait, they do, it's just illegal. Anyways, we struggle with this every single day. I think the only solution is to keep writing, keep reading, keep getting better.

Icy Roses said...

I suppose the only solution to that is to start working on your next project! Writing so much that it makes you too busy to listen to those nasty little thoughts. :-)

Jannette Johnson said...

Everyone has doubts about their work, it's natural, especially with the grammar articles. I've read a few and just made me head for the treats cupboard.

The best I can offer is; just trudge through it. It happens. The problems begin when you start believing the Bad voice more than the good.

~Jamie said...

I totally hear you! *hugs*